Just tryin' to help you out,Holmes

Listen Gentlemen, I’ll give you a couple little hints to help you out. There is nothing special, impressive, or attractive about a man that speaks to a woman in ebonics and/or slang. I don’t care if you’re black, white, or purple. It’s sad if you’re young and talking that way, it’s pathetic if you’re older and doing it. If you’re looking for an easily impressed idiot, disregard the rest of my rant. If you would like a woman with a BRAIN, keep reading; admitting you have a problem is the first step and I’m so proud of you for making it this far!

Here are some examples to get you started:
“Yo girl, let me put you on my sched.”
“Whatup hon, let’s roll out in my whip.”
“Naaaa son, the 5-0 is around the corner”

I think I just threw up a little for having to write that.

First of all, I guarantee that most women will, at the very least, feel their stomachs churn when they are referred to as “girl”. Girls are found in grade school—not paying the bills and working their asses off. We work hard for “lady” status and there are plenty of dues that are paid when going through life as a “woman”, so please, don’t strip us of our title because you want to look ‘hip’. If you would like us to start calling you ‘boy’, then please, feel free to continue as you were. That is exactly what you sound like.

Second, just complete the friggin word, would you please? (I don’t even know how to SPELL your little abbreviation for “schedule”. Know why? Because it’s not a word!) Brought down to the simplest and rawest of terms, even a lioness is smart enough not to breed with a retarded male lion. Your methods of conversation are one of the first hints we have to your intelligence level, so don’t screw it up by abbreviating every other word. I can’t even blame it on laziness, because I know deep down, your idiot ass thinks it’s cool. Don’t forget, there’s a good chance that we’re not going to understand what the hell you’re talking about and quickly chalk you up as the ‘retard lion’ of the pride. Did you graduate from any type of school at some point in your life? That would be a great quality to broadcast with your speech.

“Check out my ride” = OK (it is indeed, a RIDE)
“Check out my whip” = NOT OK (are you a S&M freak?)

Finally, (and I chose this example because it’s the most common, but I know you crafty little boys come up with so many more…) there are many different ways to refer to your local law enforcement. I like “COPS”. It’s straight to the point and no one needs an explanation. If you’re hell bent on using a cop term to refer to cops, (or any other cop term to describe anything for that matter) then don’t be surprised when you never get to find out what her 10-38 is or why she’s not responding to any of your attempts at a 10-51. Your ‘game’ is 10-1, most likely you sound like an 11-13, and she will most definitely be 10-62 when you try to contact her next. Trust me, she will 10-0 the entire time you are in her face.
Sounds ridiculous, right? 10-4, we’re in agreement.